Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love with girl. Boy murders girl’s brother on Valentine’s Day?
That’s right! It’s a very special Valentine’s Day edition of Schlock & Gore!
Also known as Ward 13, Be My Valentine or Else…, and Hospital Massacre (The name I prefer, because anything with massacre in the title is automatically cooler), X-Ray was released by the notorious(ly terrible) Cannon Group to buff up their (terrible) catalog. In it, Susan Jeremy (played by Barbi Benton of Playboy (and Deathstalker fame)) becomes an unwilling patient in a hospital while trying to receive basic x-ray results as a formality for a new job. The premise is pretty terrifying, and the way the doctors skulk around only increases the unease as she is unable to receive any clear answers from anyone. Now that Susan is here, it seems somebody would like to get revenge for mocking him all those years ago on Valentine’s Day.
I decided to revisit X-Ray with my girlfriend. She had a field day pointing out the cannonade of medical inaccuracies and flawed logic. I am not even going to attempt listing them here. Make a drinking game out of it! I always condone a good B-movie drinking game. There are bare bosoms and there is blood spilled at the hands of a rather intense killer. Your 80’s slasher staples have been accounted for.
Ultimately Hospital Massacre is nice to look at. It is a nicely lit little film, with many moments of stark lighting contrast. The promotional posters have art that properly convey the look of the movie, for the most part. And, AT THE VERY LEAST, you WILL get laughs out of it, and would be a good contender for your “bad” movie night. I give X-Ray a more than generous
Stay slime, and be rad at all times!