Schlock & Gore: Slime City Massacre (2010)

What is Life after Dickshark?

To answer this question, I turned to my motto: Stay slime, and be rad at all times. I chanted it over and over like a mantra while sage and incense burned in my TV room, as a means to clear my chakras of any leftover dicksharks or various other cockfish, and re-center myself after that personal affront of a film.

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You may have noticed that I sign off with my motto after each review. It’s basically my way of saying “Be excellent to eachother, and party on dudes.” Here’s my origin story:

Sad kid needs new outlook on life. Kid turns to pizza, slime, dinosaurs, soda pop, and cheap movies and comes up with a motto. Rad at all times. Kid carves it into his heart. R.A.A.T. Raat (later, simply Rat) becomes his identity, and Slime his religion. It saves his life.

In order to stay the path of righteousness, I needed to surround myself with rad as an aesthetic, but also a mindset. Rad is being kind to people. Rad is letting your passions and loves show. Rad is also lizards in sunglasses on skateboards. Rad is not Dickshark. Through my new way of thinking I discovered that slime green is the raddest of all colors. Slime continues to speak to me to this day. SO. In seeking refuge I naturally turned to Slime. Specifically, a classic and an old favorite of mine, Slime City, and it’s sequel, Slime City Massacre.

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Could I be any clearer?

Slime City Massacre takes the title of Slime City much more literally. The setting is 7 years after the world has been struck by what they refer to as a “dirty-bomb”. One that we saw wipeout a Troma founder Lloyd Kaufman in the movie’s opening. Now the lower class and the fugitives settle in the bones of old buildings in a neighborhood they call “Slime City.” A wandering couple comes upon the remains of the old soup kitchen once occupied by the suicide cult, the Coven of Flesh, and find the metamorphosing himalayan yogurt ectoplasm and mystery elixir. They, along with two other Slime City tenants, indulge. This begins the Slimening.

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As in the original, those that consume the goo and drink the wine become slimy and bloodthirsty, needing to kill. This is just a temporary side-effect of the transformation which will eliminate themselves from their own bodies to make room for the souls of those from the coven. Then all the murders happen and stuff and it’s like, really fun.

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Looks like he just watched Dickshark.

List of things I liked: The leads from the original have major roles in Slime City Massacre! The original slime-green credits are replicated! There’s a nod to Street Trash in the form of a bottle of Viper in the old soup kitchen cellar! Lloyd Kaufman cameo! It’s not Dickshark! Practical effects!

Things I didn’t like: Not enough practical effects! I would have preferred a future that was still steeped in 80’s, complete with the spooky synthy score instead of the modernized rock one! Slime didn’t look gross enough! Needed grosser and sexier sex!

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I’ve been there.

SCM is a fitting sequel, despite coming out 22 years after its predecessor. While it lacks much of the charm that the original radiated, it stays true to the heart of it, likely because writer/director Greg Lamberson handled both. Best of all, it isn’t Dickshark.

I finally feel like I’m on my way to recovery after SCM. In the words of Slime City’s Alex, “I like what’s happening to me.”

6/10.

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Selena Gomez! You came back!

Stay slime, and be rad at all times!
-Rat

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