“How the fuck did that happen?” Bleach said in the passenger seat. “Is this Pimpy’s head?” She held the head by the hair spikes, eyes still dangling limply from their holes. “Yeah,” said Dillweed, “I don’t know! I just threw it at that dude’s head and it exploded! I don’t know!” “Did you cum on … More Bogey Boys: Part V
“What-w-what?” he sobbed. Fabian’s arm reached down from atop the roof to stab a tee into the Real One’s windpipe. He gurgled a scream. “Fabian’s on the roof!” said Dillweed, ducking down. Fabian popped another tee into the knot of nerves below the Real One’s ear. The Real One screeched, and with his equilibrium shot … More Bogey Boys: Part III
Dillweed’s hand groped to find Shane’s eye and the tee there within. He clutched the eye and the head of the tee, so the point was protruding through his fist and punched the tee into Baldy’s neck. Dillweed hooked his hand overhead repeatedly, puncturing whatever he could reach until Baldy released his sweaty grip. Dillweed … More Bogey Boys: Part IV
“Yo, Dillweed! You down there, dude?” Dillweed craned his neck around the corner to see Pimpy’s silhouetted ears pointing out like horns from the sides of his oversized sun visor. His hair was spiked hard and high to the heavens. “I can see you! We gotta get going- they’re almost done guzzling Dickmeyer’s booze.” “Let’s … More Bogey Boys Part II
How could Dillweed not take a piss in Mr. Dickmeyer’s home-brewed Dunkel? Dickmeyer had been talking about his “world-class” recipe all goddamned year. He’d found ways to work it into conversations, hyping the shit out of it, counting down the days until the unveiling. The keg was just sitting there, waiting to be tapped. Waiting … More Bogey Boys: Part One
We were lawnmower shopping last month. Upon entering the shop, my four-year-old son scrambled into the seat of one of the display models. Noticing the keys dangling from the ignition, I told him to dismount the machine. The staffer on hand told me not to worry. It’s not like the boy can—and the mower roared … More HIDE YER DAMN KEYS!
This honey of a stocking-stuffer is being sold for in-classroom use- learning and such. It was actually (probably) invented by some sort of hilarious Devilnerd for deviousness. After a quick surgery, attaching some wires to a cockroach’s antennae, this kit enables you to wirelessly control a cockroach from your smartphone. It has been yet to … More From the Bowels of Amazon.com…
Lucky Number Slevin: Written by Jason Smilovic. Directed by Paul McGuigan. Starring: Josh Hartnett, Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Sir Ben Kingsley, Lucy Liu, and Stanley Tucci. It’s a blurry line between confidence and arrogance. Slevin is arrogant about how confident it is. This movie is so full of itself it’s almost inside-out. But there’s plenty of … More Excuse Me. I Believe You Dropped Your REVENGE!!!!
A few years ago, some historians and investigators started looking into the Irish Catholic hellscape formerly known as the Bon Secours Home for Women and Babies. Some discoveries are finally being revealed: Imagine a factory that produces sunshine and babies en masse. Now imagine the opposite of that, and that is what they found; the … More WHAT is the DEAL with These ORPHANAGES???
It’s been a rocky month for the world’s charming, hillbilly basement neighbors. Things were previously looking up; shark attacks were down to a mere weekly occurrence. Spider-related hospitalizations were on the downslope. And a stillborn baby hadn’t been accidentally burned to ashes in MONTHS! Then February reared its ugly fucking head. Beaches Closed Due to … More Australia: Earth’s Florida