We were lawnmower shopping last month. Upon entering the shop, my four-year-old son scrambled into the seat of one of the display models. Noticing the keys dangling from the ignition, I told him to dismount the machine. The staffer on hand told me not to worry. It’s not like the boy can—and the mower roared … More HIDE YER DAMN KEYS!
This honey of a stocking-stuffer is being sold for in-classroom use- learning and such. It was actually (probably) invented by some sort of hilarious Devilnerd for deviousness. After a quick surgery, attaching some wires to a cockroach’s antennae, this kit enables you to wirelessly control a cockroach from your smartphone. It has been yet to … More From the Bowels of Amazon.com…
Lucky Number Slevin: Written by Jason Smilovic. Directed by Paul McGuigan. Starring: Josh Hartnett, Bruce Willis, Morgan Freeman, Sir Ben Kingsley, Lucy Liu, and Stanley Tucci. It’s a blurry line between confidence and arrogance. Slevin is arrogant about how confident it is. This movie is so full of itself it’s almost inside-out. But there’s plenty of … More Excuse Me. I Believe You Dropped Your REVENGE!!!!
A few years ago, some historians and investigators started looking into the Irish Catholic hellscape formerly known as the Bon Secours Home for Women and Babies. Some discoveries are finally being revealed: Imagine a factory that produces sunshine and babies en masse. Now imagine the opposite of that, and that is what they found; the … More WHAT is the DEAL with These ORPHANAGES???
It’s been a rocky month for the world’s charming, hillbilly basement neighbors. Things were previously looking up; shark attacks were down to a mere weekly occurrence. Spider-related hospitalizations were on the downslope. And a stillborn baby hadn’t been accidentally burned to ashes in MONTHS! Then February reared its ugly fucking head. Beaches Closed Due to … More Australia: Earth’s Florida
Florida is the devil’s water carnival, we know this. But the Sunshine State had a particularly sour week: Quiet Roommate The Super Bowl was two weeks ago. It was a bummer. The Patriots snatched a perfectly good victory from the Atlanta underdogs, and Mary Ring, a landlady, was shot to death in her house. The … More THIS WEEK IN FLORIDA: A Basement on a Hill Special
Don’t mind those robotic ostrich legs careening down your sidewalk. That’s Cassie. Cassie brings people their groceries and has no ill will toward humanity whatsoever as of now. Cassie was built by Agility Robotics out of Oregon State University. It took 16 months, several nights of inspirational nightmares (probably), and a one-million-dollar grant. Now. Why? … More Under Titanium Hooves: On the Horizon of Horrific Grocery Robots
On the 33-degree morning of January a 16th, a motorist noticed a naked man walking through the woods, like a lightly shaved sasquatch, next to the Iowan highway. The motorist asked the nude dude if he needed help- logical- and in response, the guy just fucked off into the forest. Fine? So the motorist called … More Naked Man in Woods: Slow Start to Revolution By Jeremy Johnson